Tag Archives: Twin Peaks

All the Coopers can’t be Special Agent Dale Cooper.

68. Final Girls – Riley Sager

Xanax and grape soda. And Wine. And a boyfriend that South Park would’ve described as a ’90s guy – Chris, but in this case it’s Jeff. A baking blog. An expensive apartment in New York bought with the settlement funds from her friends’ deaths. That’s how Quincy makes it through being the final girl of a slasher-style cabin massacre. That and texts to and meetings with Coop, the cop who showed up. Until one of the other two final girls she’s aware of gets murdered…and the other one shows up at her building.

This was a fun thriller. It was also not fun, but them’s the brakes of massacre, anxiety, and PTSD depictions. It had a stellar ending, I was incredibly pleased as someone who has also had to deal with being a survivor of several abusive situations and doesn’t have a paid for expensive apartment and the ability to solely work on their blog instead of having a real job.

Merricat never had to pay for anything either, but, she had serious grit and still works posthumously as a model.

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“We [don’t] rob banks.”

I have some news… it turns out that Pere and I are partners in art crime. Alleged art crime. We came, we parodied, CBS Studios and Disney/Lucasfilm let us know they have no sense of humor and enjoy censoring the artistic work of poor people and they were allowed to because only the rich get away with shit that’s protected. Only Pere-based works have been targeted at this time and I find it very annoying and irksome in a “Why just my ornery ladypig?” way. I have experienced much of the bullying and shaming for being a lady who isn’t a doormat, and a lady who likes things lots of other people don’t, and also at one point I was shamed for being confident about my opinions and I didn’t realize it till later when the person backstabbed me…so…these are all things that make me say Grrr. That said and throw pillows and hoodies no longer a possibility, I do have both paintings and also some posters and postcards. Saturday and Sunday I will be showing my works at the GeekCraft Expo in Madison. Come get your own piece of future criminalized art if you want.

Come get some. Peregrine’s in confrontation mode on her log platform pillow.


We’ll never do it again. Peregrine and I are totally done with our parody schemes. *wink*


Samurai Finny is really fast. Like so fast.


Finny and the Finnybeast. He so loves having his photo taken. Just always sits pleasantly still…

Pere and Horace, admiring themselves in my Danger Things parody works.

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Cooper: “Well my symptoms suggest the onset of malaria, but I’ve never felt better in my life.”

54. Just Like Someone Without Mental Illness Only More So – Mark Vonnegut

If you went to undergrad where I went to undergrad, you could be essentially excommunicated from the English department if you didn’t love Kurt Vonnegut Jr. The unwavering adoration for his literary genius seems like the kind of thing he wouldn’t have appreciated, but it was the status quo. I never got into any deadly pretentious conversations about Vonnegut, thankfully, and I do love his work, but I do not love most of the people who love his work enough to be important in the English department social scene. And I had no idea until I read this memoir by his son Mark that he couldn’t write for long periods of time (I…didn’t do the supplemental reading…sometimes…) because of depressive bouts. Woo!

One of the major things going for this memoir is that it doesn’t really offer any perfect solutions. There are a lot of mental illness-based memoirs where you read through certain situations and then suddenly the person writing is “fine” because they got married or are in a new relationship and I just can’t really stand those bits. They’re not that helpful. Mark Vonnegut’s strategy involves trying to find a balance that will help him avoid severe episodes and it’s not just “being married” or “working too much,” it’s obvious that many aspects go into recovering and trying to stay functional. He also demonstrates how easy it is for a psychotic break to happen to a successful person – see, you can be successful or creative or both or also a pediatrician or not and bad shit can still take you down, it’s not a personal failure to have mental illness. Vonnegut also makes sure to make it clear that being perfectly mentally well is not really a thing either, and I like that. It takes that whole “aspire to happiness” bullshit down; in my opinion, taking that down is half the battle for maintaining levels of functionality.

“Life is no way to treat an animal, not even a [guinea pig].” – Kurt Vonnegut, “I Love You, Madame Librarian” (inthesetimes.com/article/903)

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CBS Studios can’t tell a guinea pig parody from an actual copyright violation.

Today is my birthday. It is the second-most held birthday in the world thanks to New Year’s Eve… Anyway, today I woke up to a notice that Redbubble, the site where I sell the non-handmade versions of my work, took down the following painting:

Peregrine’s log saw something that night. It saw a corporation being a dick to a poor person about their guinea pig parody painting.


Because CBS Studios said it violates their rights. Fuck you, CBS. My nostalgic, guinea pig-centric television parody does not violate CBS Studio’s rights. This image has never existed before I painted it, it’s not accurately representing anything from the Twin Peaks universe- note that the inaccurate logo is a pun: “Peegs” is not “Peaks” and it is not accurately painted because I’m stuck with my human hands and I can’t perfectly match colors, Peregrine is not Margaret Lanterman and as far as I have ever seen, the Log Lady has never been in the Red Room – nerd detail, guys. My original concept utilizing the concept of parody and guinea pigs to put out something very cute featuring my little girl.

Parody has always been protected.

No one will ever confuse my work for any actual Twin Peaks merchandise.

And frankly, I don’t really sell all that much of anything I do, because it relies upon people who like guinea pigs to find it. Twin Peaks never involved guinea pigs. My Twin Peaks parody only has the possibility of profit if people who like guinea pigs find it. I’ve never sold a single one of my parodies in person to anyone who didn’t expressly become interested because of guinea pigs. The thing I’m parodying has always been the secondary concern. Always.

One last consideration – guinea pigs are not cats, the behemoth of the animal parody-trade.

Parody is protected.

Don’t go after artists who aren’t in your way.

I filed a counter-notice. I will update if I get my painting reinstated as it should be, I’ll maybe update if “screw you, poor artist person” stays the status quo.


Fuck you, CBS Studios. (Tulpa-Diane doesn’t even belong to you, CBS Studios, I bet you’re mad that I just parodied her phrasing and you can’t tell me to take it down.) Ozma doesn’t want you to break my heart on my birthday anymore, even if Funko Bob would probably support that.


This week I also found another site where people are stealing the first book of my Squirrelpocalypse Trilogy and now this, on my birthday, well… I’ve never been happier. I don’t know why it’s important to prevent someone whose work barely anyone is even interested in from making any money off it, further enforcing that they will never get to be who they are full time, but that is what I am learning this month.

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It is happening again. (YAY!/I hope it’s good.)

We are taking a break from our regularly scheduled programming to bring you a message about painting and excitement for the Twin Peaks new season premiering this Sunday and of course, guinea pigs.

This year I’ve been working on some more paintings that inject my sweet little guineas into glorious television shows. I started this series last year with my Danger Dixon parody, Danger Who number 10 and Danger Who number 11 , iPiggie , and now I give you the ladypigs of Twin Peegs.

But first, because Laura always comes first, I did a little photoshoot of Ozma acting as Laura being menaced by BOB in Fire Walk With Me:

I’m sure you can all tell this is an exact and painstaking recreation. I didn’t have to convince Ozma to walk in that direction and be menaced several times.

Funko Bob is super intimidating.

There we go. Fully menaced Ozma-Laura, running away…

In the actual paintings I decided to cast Merricat as Audrey Horne (my favorite Twin Peaks high schooler):

Ozma as Shelly Johnson:

Here’s Ozma not even really looking at herself as Shelly.

And Miss Peregrine herself as the Log Lady (my favorite Twin Peaks adult lady. I have a log pillow and vaguely debated trying to get my mom to buy me a real log when visiting the Twin Peaks section of a gift shop in Snoqualmie Falls as a teenager):

Peregrine’s log saw something that night.

Peregrine also got some time with a small toy version of her character:

In the White Lodge – which is clearly not my bedroom -, they allow attempted hair cuts the same way I get them – guinea pig teeth.

Peregrine starts to take this whole thing a little more seriously.

Each of the full paintings is available on a variety of objects/in several fashions (posters, coffee mugs you can fill with fish coffee or damn fine coffee, either way, phone cases, my favorite the throw pillow, etc.) on my Redbubble page.

Guinea pigs love art work. And posing for pictures. And pie. And Special Agent Dale Cooper most of all, but also Albert.

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My log saw something that night.

43. The Lost Mind – Christopher Pike

I never read Christopher Pike’s books when I was in middle school. They were rampant, and shelved right next to all kinds of 1990s YA pulp that I did read, but for some reason I thought they would be “too adult” for me or “too scary.” I now know that I was clearly deranged in my thinking after reading The Lost Mind. I’ve acquired several Christopher Pike books now and I intend to read them, despite my experience with The Lost Mind, which was terrible to say the least. Next to nothing in this book made sense to me and for the most part I thought the story was constructed using a blender and some random ideas that seem like good ideas until you put them together: girl wakes up covered in blood not knowing who she is – good idea; girl turns out to be a total asshole – sort of good idea, I do like Laura Palmer; random Egyptian mysticism – bad idea…because although it starts with amnesia and maybe this girl could have been an asshole and a practitioner of mysticism, these elements never really come together in a sensible way in this book.  It needed Special Agent Dale Cooper to sort it out in a dream.

Mixtape 9:

1. Bang! – The Raveonettes

2. Twist of Cain – Danzig

3. Crying Lightning – Arctic Monkeys

4. Jennifer’s Body – Hole

5. Hank is Dead – Red Fang

6. Secret Plans – Eagles of Death Metal

7. Warsaw – Joy Division

8. Naked Cousin – PJ Harvey

9. The Bat’s Mouth – Bat for Lashes

10. Turn My Blue Sky Black – The Mooney Suzuki

11. You Think I Ain’t Worth a Dollar but I Feel Like a Millionaire – Queens of the Stone Age

12. Who Was in My Room Last Night? – Butthole Surfers

13. Lithium – Nirvana

14. Idle Hands – The Gutter Twins

15. Gone Forever – The Raveonettes

16. Walkin’ with the Beast – The Gun Club

17. Everybody’s Under Your Spell – The Duke Spirit

18. Ablivion – UNKLE

I can’t believe I ever thought Pike’s books would be too scary for me. Too dumb, maybe, I should have just read the blurbs.

Look into Belvedere’s eyes – if you can – you will find the ability to coherently develop a plot about mind switching there.

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Meanwhile, in that subplot no one cares about with James Hurley…

15. The Scrapbook of Frankie Pratt – Caroline Preston

The author of this book works in an archive. This explains a lot, like the thinness of the story when held up against the coolness of the imagery. The clipped art in this book is really cool and sometimes tailoring a story to the images you have available can be very tricky. In the archive I work for, the requests and the images available rarely match up perfectly so I understand. And people never request the super cool stuff, if only they really knew what was back there – they’d want to touch it and that just cannot be.

Anyway, the story is a little cliché: poor girl works as house-help, meets older, mysterious rich man, highjinks ensue, advantage is nearly taken, she’s paid to go away… This one time, I read a short story called “How I Met My Husband” by Alice Munro that subverts this kind of meeting of an older, mysterious man story and that was a pleasant read. Anyway, so Miss Frankie leaves for college and then she has a roomie from New York who shows her the richer side of life and then she does some stuff, mind expands, she’s totally writing about it, that’s college for you, oh wait, there’s that dude with the mysterious past of oldness again and will she meet him in Paris? Will she? I dare you not to raise one eyebrow in anticipation of how that situation will work out. But I love him!

Mortemer is tired of trying to convince Twiglet not to flee to Paris: “Fine, live in squalor like the pseudo-bohemian you’ve always wanted to be. Go for it. I’ll tell your mother.”

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That gum you like is going to come back in style.

35. Book of Shadows – Alexandra Sokoloff

I enjoy reading Alexandra Sokoloff’s books. They tend to be spritely and have quickly paced stories, which makes perfect sense as she is a screenwriter as well. They are also a little easy to dismiss, which is the problem I have with mysteries in general. I don’t read them terribly often, but from what I’ve experienced recommending them, one-shot mysteries can be very disposable and what people are really looking for is someone to follow – the DA, the Miss Marple, the bounty hunter, the two weird guys who will go into the swamp or the abandoned house, or the woman who keeps hearing random dead people telling her where they’re buried. The victims are rarely all that interesting. Sure, they tend to have sordid pasts or have been in the wrong place at the wrong time…but they’re not the focus unless it’s Twin Peaks and even then Laura wasn’t the end focus thanks to the awesomeness of Special Agent Dale Cooper. So maybe I just prefer to watch mysteries. The Killing, though, man, I just can’t say anything about that end result yet except a hearty, “Sheesh.” Bookwise I’ve dabbled into categorized as mystery novelists Elmore Leonard and Joe R. Lansdale and Charlaine Harris (although none of what I’ve read of any of these authors was very straightforwardly mystery). I’ve been told I might enjoy Janet Evanovich like masses of people across the nation but a. that’s a hamster and b. I’m not ready and I’ve got a lot of other books to go through. There are a lot of dead people to read about.

Anyway, Book of Shadows is definitely a mystery but it has supernatural elements like a sexy witch and ritual murder. There were some trips to the dump and the subtle harassment of a super-tool goth musician who was a red herring and that was so shocking. Overall, I would have watched it if it was a monster-of-the-week episode of Supernatural and enjoyed it a little more because there would have been some trusty guides to deal with the circumstances. Reading it was all right, a bit of a brain candy-style experience and I do not remember the name of the main character but the story flowed and the ending was a tad on the cheesy side. The ending of The Harrowing was a bit on the wonky side for me as well, so maybe Sokoloff has Stephen King’s ending syndrome where every so often, the reveal just blows for no good reason.

Snorecery. Twiglet prefers Leonard’s brand of problematic magic.

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Cannibals, Cassette Tapes, & Crumples

74. Death by Cannibal: Criminals With an Appetite for Murder – Peter Davidson

After reading The Devil’s Rooming House and Crackpot: the Obsessions of John Waters I became slightly more interested in reading some more true crime stories. As I have mentioned previously, I enjoy the programs about crime featuring the narration of Bill Kurtis and knowing that John Waters is just like those little old ladies at the library consuming true crime made me slightly more adventurous. Reading Death by Cannibal let me know that I am not as desensitized to cannibalism as I thought and that reading about it truly bothers me. I thought all those zombie movies would have prepared me better, but, I am a bit squeamish and not into personal injury. Anyway, the events in Death by Cannibal were perhaps a bit too close to home for me to put aside because, not unlike in (the book I have yet to finish) The Stranger Beside Me (Ann Rule’s account of working right next to Ted Bundy at a crisis line of all places), I am concerned for my own personal safety and I’ve seen firsthand how different people are from how they present themselves in public. I have a van; I do not need to get into your windowless one to find candy. Thankfully, at this point I am a bit too old to fit the part of Ted Bundy’s victims now and I will most likely never help anyone load anything into a van that I don’t already know – thanks, Silence of the Lambs!

Death by Cannibal discusses five different cannibals that aren’t famous. They may be famous in their home areas, but as far as nationwide fame, they’re not widely known. Maybe it’s because they’re not from Wisconsin. I love that state, but it has produced two very famous cannibals. The things people do to prevent boredom, I mean, really. At least some Midwesterners choose to create art without killing anyone, digging anybody up, or chloroform. Now that I’m done digressing, one of the cannibals was a history teacher with a bit of a self-esteem problem, one was a pedophile who would dress up as a cop and prowl around schools, one wanted to be a vampire, one kidnapped developmentally challenged women off the streets and put them in his pit while “running a church” to avoid taxes, and one murdered his wife’s sister, practically beat his wife to death, and tape recorded himself describing the absolutely horrific things that he did to them. Pretty strong stuff with mild sensational photos on the glossy pages in the middle. I don’t really recommend reading it if you want to stay interested in eating any kind of meat. It would be good vegetarian propaganda.

One more digression since I’m discussing true crime: I have noticed that many shows on Investigation Discovery (America’s fastest growing network) are using the tones from Twin Peaks in their soundtracks. Whenever anyone needed to make a super-serious face or a solitary scene from outside was being shown (remember that red light?) on Twin Peaks there were these tones and now I’m hearing them attached to other murder investigations, it’s a bit weird. I have the soundtrack to Twin Peaks on cassette and I’m pretty proud of it. Plus I can still listen to it in my car…since the CD player broke over a year ago and the cigarette lighter set my ipod connector on fire. Tapes forever!


Danger Crumples would like everyone to know that he is an herbivore, solely an herbivore. And he likes ice cubes when it’s hot outside.

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