Tag Archives: South Park

All this could’ve been avoided if the B&B had been set up on the Island of Misfit Mascots.

51. The Drifter – Richie Tankersley Cusick

Mrs. Baxter could have used a nice visit with the Sexual Harassment Panda from South Park before starting on her business plan. When your daughter says the man you hired as a live-in handyman after he just showed up one day at your door in your new town and has been giving her the creeper eyes and you imply that she should stop asking for it -that makes for a saaaaaad panda. Just a reminder, Mrs. Baxter, you should be glad your daughter told you about it BEFORE anything criminally prosecutable happened.

Mixtape –
1. Sinking with the Sun – The Raveonettes
2. Shallow Water – Electric Citizen
3. She Cried – Rowland S. Howard
4. Wild Charms – The Kills
5. Goodbye Gemini – Blood Ceremony
6. The Deserters – Rachel Zeffira
7. Constellations – Black Mountain
8. Nothin’ – Rowland S. Howard
9. Headed Nowhere – Those Poor Bastards
10. Big Dark Love – Murder By Death
11. Hollow Earth – Zebras
12. Four Teeth – True Widow
13. Black Eyed Dog – Swans
14. Lonely Sunday – Reignwolf
15. Calla – Russian Circles

Belvedere doesn’t take kindly to age based power imbalances being used to the advantage of walking jean jackets.

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We just want to see the hot hot side of Randy

24. Mirror, Mirror – D. E. Athkins

So, it’s possible that D. E. Athkins realized that all together her name spelled “deathkins,” which seems like a cutesy nickname for death. It’s also possible that it’s a nom de plume, but still, “Deathkins” would be a good name for a cute little grim reaper action figure, like my Tokidoki death action figure with his little cape and the “Adios” across his chest. Adorable.

Anyway, I’m wandering around nicknames because this book uses a pretty standard set of tricks, including a shortened name, to let you know who the villain of influence is. You can probably guess who it is based on me calling them a “villain of influence” and maybe somebody caught on just now that I’ve pointed that out. That’s fine and actually a decent idea. It wasn’t executed well. This book reads like a mixtape made from the radio. There are bits and pieces and scenes missing like those songs that get stuck at the end of the side and you think there’s room but there just isn’t. At a mere 130 pages (followed by a preview of R. L. Stine’s new one – Beach House!) there was room to write full scenes. It may be an example of an overzealous editorial situation. Somebody trying their best to cut the parts people tend to skip and not realizing that there’s room to create multiple fully realized scenes, especially when you’re trying to draw a picture without saying anything outright. A warm picture. Of somewhere that hasn’t frozen, yet, and probably won’t. And they have a hukilau.

Mixtape 2:

1. All I Have To Do Is Dream – The Everly Brothers

2. Eden Prison – Swans

3. Crystal Baby – Dum Dum Girls

4. Candy Cane Children – The White Stripes

5. Randy’s Hot Tonight! – Electric Six

6. Some Kinda Hate – The Misfits

7. Hazy Shade of Winter – The Bangles

8. Cheryl vs. Darryl – Electric Six

9. Captain Fantasy – Ween

10. Wet Nightmare – The Cramps

11. You Want the Candy – The Raveonettes

12. Teenagers from Mars – The Misfits

13. Devil In Me – 22-20s

14. Rolling Home – Gallon Drunk

15. God Monster – The Cramps

16. Isolation – Joy Division

17. Lucretia My Reflection – Sisters of Mercy

18. Ghost Rider – Suicide

19. Lucifer Airlines – Electric Six

The first thing I thought of when she mentioned the song was the last part of Interview with the Vampire. I love that damn movie.

Everybody loves a hukilau…even Murderface.

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You don’t want to go down that run. That run’s got a history.

28. Ski Weekend – R.L. Stine

Icy roads, teenagers, and stranger danger all come to play in this tale from Fear Street. Well, it’s labeled as Fear Street, but it’s quite a stretch to consider an out of the way ski resort and creepy middle of nowhere cabin to be part of Shadyside, it would almost be nice to start the story via a meeting of Fear Street’s version of the Midnight Society – flashlights up! Anyhow, there is some decent tension in the story once the teenagers run off the icy road and end up shacking up with some weirdos in their hilltop lodge. As much as I like a good supernatural twist, sometimes in R.L. Stine books those seem like a total reach and it works better to stick to just people. I am a little pissed that there was virtually no skiing in the book though. I blow at skiing, but I do enjoy a good 80s ski movie parody and I wish someone would have foreshadowed at them about how they’re “gonna have a bad time.”

Mixtape 3:

1. Montage – Team America

2. Acceptable in the 80s – Calvin Harris

3. Five Seconds – Peeping Tom

4. Temple Music – The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster

5. Cold War – Death from Above 1979

6. Let the Poison Spill from Your Throat – The Faint

7. Wannabe in LA – Eagles of Death Metal

8. Handsome Devil – The Smiths

9. Den Frusna Munnen – Finntroll

10. Laboramus – The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster

11. Weapon of Choice – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club

12. Romantic Rights – Death from Above 1979

13. Running Fire – The Duke Spirit

14. Leaves – Bass Drum of Death

15. Twisted Nerve – The Damned

16. The First Vietnamese War – The Black Angels

17. Alaska Highway – Dan Bern

Asspen is frankly one of the greatest South Park episodes of all time. Of all time.

Pickles knows that hibernating in a down quilt is the best possible way to get through winter.

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I don’t think we’re going to save the community center in this case.

21. April Fools – Richie Tankersley Cusick

Check it out – timeliness! Oooh. That’s probably the last time I come up with something relevant to the month in which it is posted. Mostly because I’ve spent too many words pointing out my timeliness. It’s time to stop. So, April Fools, published via the Point Horror imprint, one of my favorite imprints of all time. The cover has awesome, jagged neon orange relief letters spelling out the title – man, I miss YA having painted covers, kick ass relief lettering, and being distributed in conveniently sized paperbacks. I may have covered these feelings in previous posts…I truly feel them. If I could make raised letters with my silkscreen for my covers, I would, but I don’t have the ink that does that or an appropriate cover subject for that ink yet. Anyway, this is getting less and less reviewy as I keep going, guess I’m distracted by congratulating myself for posting an April themed book in April. The only loser in this is anyone still reading this paragraph – the next one will be relevant, promise.

The story follows a bit of a familiar pattern: a group of teens does something horrific with their car, the one with a conscience watches as terrible retribution starts to happen and gets threatened, the ones without consciences have a bad time (they French fry when they should have pizza’d), and someone else in the story has a secret. A terrible secret. Or was it terrible? I can’t quite remember. Mostly I remember the angst pouring off the Adam character and that many things happened in the dark at his house while the teen with a conscience (Belinda Swanson, no relation to Ron based on her actions) tried to tutor him. It was like Beauty and the Beast without the rose. I think he had a snake. Anyway, having a conscience is definitely a good way to survive these teenage nightmares.

Tale as old as time...stupid teenagers do something stupid.

Belvedere was not intimidated by doll heads. Or stuffed turtles. He conquered stuffed turtles and then posed with his chin up and foot out like a teeny conquistador, as seen in this photo.

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Have a Woodland Critter Christmas!

Since it’s the holidays and I’m about to undergo some serious changes at my current employment cave, I’ll be taking a break from writing reviews until January (unless I die unexpectedly or the world ends, but since I’ve mentioned both now neither will happen… ). There is something I would like to discuss, however, and that is search terms. I guess this is my version of breaking a narrative wall because there’s probably someone who wasn’t aware that WordPress totally keeps track of search terms that lead people (or robots) to blogs. I’ve become very fond of some of the ones that lead “people” to me and very afraid of what the searchers were really looking for. Here they are, with reaction shots:
1. The most frequent phrase: your eyes are like space crystals aka your eyes look like space crystals
It goes here: Sleepwalk With Me

Listen to me as I play this song/Cause I’m gonna play it regardless/I’m only playing three chords/So I can make eye contact

Thanks, Mike Birbiglia! I did enjoy your memoir and “Guitar Guy at the Party,” the place where I first heard that phrase. Belvedere’s eyes are way better than space crystals though.

2. Very puzzling edition: build a bear monkey names

I have no idea how that one led to me, but I am not unaware of the value of my naming abilities. But most likely it’s just because of this Jim Knipfel book: These Children Who Come at You With Knives

His name came from a badly translated paper about the movie Inception, it was the best thing I found in that paper.

Call me when they have Build-a-Pig. And not that kind of pig. – Danger Crumples

3.  No, really, what? terms: adult book store New Orleans

I’ve written several reviews of books set in New Orleans [ Pigeons from Hell , A Confederacy of Dunces , Ruined ] because I used to live about an hour and a half away and was a very frequent visitor. It is my official favorite place to go see traveling musical shows and drink on the street. But I haven’t written anything about that kind of book store…hmm.

I got carded going in to Second Skin, but that’s not really a bookstore. Me and Mr. Cheese were looking for the kind of masks that come with zippers, just to see if they were available for impromptu Pulp Fiction jokes. And they weren’t.

Duncan looks away. Away from her tired mistress who was probably at One Eyed Jack’s and Buffa’s the night before.

4. Right on terms: V.C. Andrews adjectives

I’ve only read Flowers in the Attic and that was an achievement unto itself so I feel comfortable saying that V.C. Andrews (and probably Andrew Neiderman, brand caretaker, too) loves adjectives. She adores them with the white hot fury of thousands of brilliantly shiny burning suns.

Andrew Neiderman also wrote Pin. I wonder if it’s minimalist.

She may have loved adjectives more than writing about blonde incestuous people. But the world and darling Murderface may never know.

5. Confusing spelling edition : sordkin day of oprichnir

I’ll admit, Oprichnik is a little on the hard to spell side. Two vowels, fun pronunciation, lots of people aren’t used to reading translations from Russian, it’s not that bad. It was still strange to read in my list of search terms.

In dystopian Russia, they have no memes.

Wait till they read it. – Mortemer endured my befuddled looks while I read Day of the Oprichnik

6. Ha ha, they might not mean Spaced terms: spunk beans

Simon Pegg’s book Nerd Do Well

There’s this cook book they might want to try. I heard about it on the internet and decided it was gross, but it’s available somewhere. And someone tested those recipes. On purpose.

Jar Jar Binks makes the Ewoks look like fuckin’ Shaft!

Seriously, it’s beans and spunk. Listen to Bill Bailey and pay attention with your childlike ears. – Pickles, not having it. Bel better know his Spaced quotes.

There will be two more parts to this saga of search terms. Reading it will feel like opening an incompetently constructed advent calendar.

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