Tag Archives: Madness

[Judge Perd is not a judge.]

3. An Unquiet Mind – Kay Redfield Jamison

“A Memoir of Moods and Madness” and a stone cold classic for anyone interested in mental health, An Unquiet Mind is also an engaging read. Jamison’s experience with manic behavior was extremely interesting to me – her description of running rather endlessly around a parking lot during the process of earning her degree and using “we’re psych students” as the reason when questioned stood out in particular. It sort of suits the trope of going into psychiatry because one has psychological issues, but, that doesn’t have to be true. It’s very possible to ignore your own symptoms regardless of what you’re learning about or what level of professional development you’ve achieved. Brains are tricksy.

One thing to remember while reading An Unquiet Mind is that, especially if you don’t have anyone to catch you or clean up the giant mess you may have made while manic, this is definitely not an instructional manual for what to do if you are also experiencing manic or depressive episodes. It’s a memoir, and it has helpful examples, but it is not a self-help manual. You may recognize yourself, you may end up being a little envious of some of the things Jamison has gotten to do, you may not even care about getting to stay in England for long periods of time to write (I miss it). It always amuses me that I know the struggle to publish as an academic writer exists, but when you read material from people who have ended up with published work, when they discuss writing their proposals it’s just like a given that it’s going to happen- of course it did, but, somebody should write in one of their failed projects too, give the folks at home something to relate to on the other side because there’s a lot of failed academics out there who probably assumed their work was going to get published too… (Full disclosure, I am not an academic writer. I’ve just seen a lot of stressed out academics as a librarian and I’m guessing not all of them had a streamlined path to publish their research. And I’ve read or skimmed a crapload of extremely dry articles, so I wonder if the academic writers with stronger writing voices are getting shafted.)

Twiglet, a stone cold classic anchor pig.

Twiglet, a stone cold classic anchor pig.

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Summer Ends

20. Touched with Fire – Kay Redfield Jamison
The title comes from a line in the Stephen Spender poem “I Think Continually of Those Who Were Truly Great.” The subtitle of this book is “Manic Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament.” After finishing this book, I know two things: 1. I am not manic depressive. I have never been manic in the manner described in Touched with Fire; although perhaps in retrospect it will seem like I was when I finished so many creative things this year. And I haven’t even put all of them up in my store . 2. I relate more to Henry James than I like. I hated reading Washington Square, now I begrudgingly respect it. Actually, I still have that “ugh” feeling in my gut thinking about reading it, so it may mostly be a product of whatever mental state I was in at the time.

One of my favorite aspects of Touched with Fire is the list of artists, composers, and writers who were either manic depressive, had probable cyclothomia, or had major depression. It’s marked with who was hospitalized, who made a suicide attempt, and who committed suicide and it was super interesting seeing who did what. Like extremely late to the party gossip.

There was also a section of shorter biographical pieces dealing with the family histories of “madness” of famous artists and writers called “Genealogies of these high mortal miseries” after a phrase by Herman Melville that I truly love and that was the section that resonated with me the most. Writing and art are both solitary pursuits and when you consistently wonder if anyone is ever going to connect with your work or why you should care or if you should really be doing this work when you’re not that stable financially and it’s not really helping with that and you know that it’s all you’d like to pursue regardless but you can’t put aside everything you care about aesthetically just because people tell you should if you want to make money… well, that whole section just provided a lot of material for me to relate to. There are a lot of differences between the time period when Herman Melville was writing and now, but, those differences are easily bridged by the mental anguish a large swath of artists and writers feel on a regular basis.

Personally, I remain true to my artistic vision regardless of what anyone tells me; which doesn’t mean that I don’t listen to criticism. I just look for relevance in the criticism. Sometimes you’re doing something people don’t get, and the main thing to consider in that case is whether or not what you’re aiming for people to “get” is coming through. If it’s not, there’s work to do. If it is and they don’t like it, that’s a different story altogether. You’ll have to beat them to death with their own shoes. Or not. To be fair, I know that many people are not ready for guinea pig domination or ladies being clever in realms where men are used to being the only clever ones. I would like things to be different and therefore I create. And I had a shitload of catching up to do after my on and off dealings with depression over the past thirteen yearsish. I proved to myself that even if I’m very stressed and very depressed I can write and paint and when I can focus, I can write and paint A LOT. I did drop one giant amount of baggage between last year and this year, which enabled me to focus on myself and what I want and apparently that was to finish manuscripts, print, paint and paint and paint, print some more, and actually execute some of the ideas I’ve had for so long while still working full time in a job that can be really stressful in so…many…ways. And I can’t say that me doing all of this has been met entirely positively. Some people really want you to stay in the place they expect you to be. But it’s not up to them and I have also received a lot of very encouraging sentiments too and I do want to specifically thank everyone who came out to see me at the Wizard Worlds I participated in this year, it made it clear to me that my work is unique, and, Cute, – and a special additional public thank you to those that facilitated me actually being able to participate. Overall, my experience reading Touched with Fire worked like a door through the darkness I get overwhelmed by sometimes and reminded me that I’m not the only one like this, even if I’m on the major depression side and not the manic side. To borrow a phrase from Mr. Presley, I’m a bit more “Filled with fire” now than anything else – no touching-; although that fire has turned to a smoky haze quite often in the past. No phoenix metaphors, it was there the whole time.

I also have muse-pigs to honor and I'll never let them down. Danger Crumples, perpetual muse-pig, stepping on all my journals, would personally thank everyone who purchased images of him and expressed how adorable he is, if he was available.

I also have muse-pigs to honor and I’ll never let them down. Danger Crumples, perpetual muse-pig, stepping on all my journals, would personally thank everyone who purchased images of him and expressed how adorable he is, if he was available.

 

My little unexpected muse-pig Peregrine and the start of my Pigoween painting. She (and Merricat, their relationship was very Duke of New York-Snake Plissken) was very much the inspiration for my John Carpenter's Guinea Pigs series of paintings.

My little unexpected muse-pig Peregrine and the start of my Pigoween painting. She (and Merricat, their relationship was very Duke of New York-Snake Plissken) was very much the inspiration for my John Carpenter’s Guinea Pigs series of paintings.

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I knew from the first moment I saw you that you were dangerous to her.

32. The Fog – Caroline B. Cooney

As I may have previously mentioned, I am worried about the upcoming election, which is tomorrow and if anyone (regardless of opinion) who is reading this happens to be a U.S. citizen (I’ve noticed I have several UK & Indian readers – Hi! Tasty curries for everyone!) – fucking vote, it’s your one real job as a person who lives here if you’re eighteen or over. The amount of political commercials I have had to endure as a result of living in a swing state may have put me one step closer to madness. And since I am a lady who likes her civil rights and wishes to see civil rights be expanded for others, the heroine of The Fog’s name put me right off: Christina Romney. Now, there’s one particular Christina I am not remotely fond of and there’s a Romney that’s topical that I do not like either…it was hard for me to put that aside. And when the antagonists of the novel kept accusing Miss Romney of lying, well, if they weren’t so damn obviously evil I would have been on their side, damn it.

The thing is, this novel contains many incidents of false paranoia and hysteria accusations that feel very topical. I too would likely jump off a roof in a bad Nor’easter if I was tired of being told I was nutballs and anti-social enough times and then cut off from my family on the island. The “islanders,” as someone might say, go to school on the mainland from seventh grade on and stay with evil people pretending to be nice, they have hair that’s not as nice as they think it is and brightly colored clothes. The mainland kids typically react to the island kids like they’re crazy hillbillies, unless they’re super cute like senior Anya (the description of her reminded me of the Anya that was on Project Runway and could barely sew, but still won, thanks to some semi-conspicuous decisions…thanks, Lifetime) who slowly starts going crazy and losing her mind but does not learn to sew.

There were a lot of incidents of hysterical lady-accusations for the protagonist and confusing motivations. And the protagonist girl with the unfortunate name is only in seventh grade! Being accused of being nutballs is totally unnecessary for seventh graders, they don’t even know who they are and could react with total impetuousness just like the protagonist does on several occasions. She could have just shouted that she felt like she was taking crazy pills and the evil people she’s living with would have been all like, “But we’ve provided non-crazy pills for you, you should take those, they’ve been on your desk all along. We told your parents that you’re going insane and only we can help you. Oh, and we threw away those beans your mother made you. You’ll never see them again. Why aren’t you happy?”

The Fog is part of a trilogy. I have to find The Snow and The Fire in order to find out what will happen to the poor, gaslighted unfortunately named protagonist.

Pickles is shocked about T-Dog. Murderface silently accepts the impending doom and The Walking Dead’s vicious brutality. Sometimes horrible things happen, it’s best to be prepared and listen to the predictions of Joss Whedon.

 

Joss Whedon on Mittens

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