Tag Archives: ebooks

“Is that a guy following us with a knife? Maybe it’s a chupacabra.” (Kyle Kinane)

83. Tales of the Otherworld – Kelley Armstrong

In the introduction to this collection, Armstrong mentions that although she put these stories up on her website for free essentially as a thank you to her readers, they were still consistently pursuing her to publish them traditionally…which is one fun aspect of the great ebook debate. Currently at the university I work for, they mention repeatedly that the ebooks they’ve bought are being used. In the department I work for, if you let a patron know we already own a book in eform, they send you an email saying they want a copy they can hold in their hands. It’s an ouroboros. Armstrong’s solution to feeling like she had to sell something she was trying to give away on purpose was to make it a charitable endeavor and to add a new story – a lovely compromise. Tales is the second volume of previously free tales and although the other collection dealt exclusively with the male werewolves in her oeuvre, this volume still deals with some of werewolves, thankfully.

My “reward” for my readers involves these adorable photos of my guinea pigs. Look how free and adorable Ozma is. Freely enjoy

“Bewitched” – After Elena, my second favorite character of Armstrong’s Otherworld is Eve Levine. She’s a witch, so my favor surprised me because I really enjoy her werewolf stories more than any others, but she’s an ornery witch. “Bewitched” is the new, non-already free story in this collection and it’s about her relationship with Kristof Nast, the before-time of Savannah’s story. Yay!

“Birthright” – Logan’s introduction to his pack, of course, he didn’t even know he was a werewolf…oh, those absentee dads. He comes to Stonehaven and tells Clay he looks like he’s in a frat. I like Logan, he was much more levelheaded than some of the other wolves and so it’s nice to get a few more snippets of his character.

Ozma is pretty sure her birthright involves not being stuck on a couch with Horace and Peregrine. She’s not wrong.

“Beginnings” – I thought this was also the title of that two part Buffy finale where she has sex with Angel and he goes evil-Angelus. That’s “Becomings,” but in Googling to double check myself, I found that there’s some Buffy fan-fiction called “Beginnings;” I forget about fan-fiction sometimes… Moving on, it would have been a nice coincidence that both this story of Elena and Clay meeting and Buffy and Angel falling apart would be called the same thing, but they’re not, so… Moving on again. Elena struggling for money in college and being underestimated and antagonized by Clay at first is quite fun to read. It also really grounds Clay in his anthropological background, which always seems like it might be a put-on when reading some of the books. It’s there, mentioned randomly, but as someone who has studied both art and anthropology sometimes it feels like when they make Tara Reid a scientist in a horror movie. The words are there, but do they understand them? Having Clay act like that toward Elena proved to me that he is a solid visiting faculty member at a university. Throw in a scene of finding a book they said they lost a year ago in their office and calling the library to ask that they be reimbursed for the bill and it would be complete.

“Just bring your books back, Finny!” Ozma, as a librarian.

“Wedding Bell Hell” – Paige and Lucas get married. It’s like a reunion of all kinds of fun characters and a little mixed up but positive and that’s how Paige always seems to me anyway.

“The Case of El Chupacabra” – I never really expected Armstrong to branch into mentioning Chupacabras. Ever. They seem far too far south for her Canadian characters, but then again, there’s some stories in Miami, but it’s still weird to see Mexican goat suckers involved in one of her stories. I mean, it’s not really there, but, still. Weird. This one is a case for Paige and Lucas and of course gets in to all the Cortez Cabal intrigue and those aspects of the Otherworld have always bored me. I’m just not super into corporate/mobster/overly powerful dudes in suits doing shitty things or Al Pacino in The Devil’s Advocate-ing. I would’ve been happier if a real Chupacabra was in charge, which is why I keep capitalizing that word when I don’t think I need to.

Ozma escapes the plastic alligator skull, the closest thing I have to a chupacabra.

 

 

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This apocalyptic levity should’ve been in print.

5. The Zombie Whisperer – Jesse Petersen

Sarah and Dave return to Seattle to conclude the Living with the Dead series. I really enjoyed this entire series. It means a lot to me to see other writers working with horror tropes allowed some damn humor. I see no reason to try to survive in the zombie apocalypse if I’m just supposed to talk about surviving all the time. Recently, I did admit at a Torchy’s Tacos that I do not want to live if the zombie apocalypse were to happen. I think my massive problems with allergies are enough reason to just wait to be eaten. I don’t want to be around when the air conditioning stops working or when everyone who was enjoying some nice Torchy’s Tacos suddenly starts eating each other instead.  Not for me. Sarah and Dave survived, they kept their marriage together, they can make survival tacos out of canned black beans and re-populate the world in my imaginary memory if they must. They’ve certainly taken up the torch of sarcasm in the post-apocalypse and for that I salute their story and heartily give up the idea of having my own.

Anyway, as a whole, I’m keen on this series as I said. On its own, The Zombie Whisperer is a bit weak for reasons that seem unfortunate. There’s just a smidge too much crammed into a small amount of space with some scenes that seem like they’re the correct length and others that felt rushed and although it makes sense, the couple-based complications of the last one are a little too on the nose for me. I definitely know that when ending a series things get complicated and I’m glad the action returned to Seattle, a nice full circle works in its favor. There is a bit of a scattered feeling to it for me, and I’m not sure that’s not influenced by the reading it as an ebook in Courier type… I have to say I’m also disappointed in the publishers for not giving the series a proper end in print. Tangential short stories only in eformat? Fine. But the end of a print series should be in print with the same cover style, out of respect for the series and its author if nothing else.

Twiglet knows how important it is to end a series right. It is just as important as knowing how to pose on top of a pumpkin, a skill Twiglet mastered in mere minutes.

Twiglet knows how important it is to end a series right. It is just as important as knowing how to pose on top of a pumpkin, a skill Twiglet mastered in mere minutes.

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Operation Impending Doom II

It has been updated.

Doomed? Doomed.

Now there’s a squirrel on it! Appropriate rodent!

This is the new cover of Night of the Squirrels: Dawn of the Interns, the first book in my squirrelpocalypse trilogy. I made it myself via my handy printing and drawing abilities. It more appropriately represents the story and the trilogy theme. Here is the previous cover, featuring my beloved Pickles:

Pickles was with me during the initial writing, and the outlining, and so I miss seeing her on Amazon all the time in her seventies horror modeling debut.

Inappropriate but most adorable almost-not rodent!

The Pickles cover is still on Good Reads (I like that color scheme damnit and that’s why I rated it five stars…I also like the other cover so I also rated it five stars, and yes, I am the only one who rated it five stars on goodreads, so maybe that was a silly thing to do…Rachel Shukert, one of my fave authors, did it too so I felt less shame). Anyway, I’m clearly attached to the Pickles cover but the squirrel cover represents the updates that I have made. I haven’t made any gigantic story changes, I did fix quite a few things and now there is more zazz. It’s fitter, happier, and more productive. Or something. It’s also been given a new blurb and appears in many more online purchasing venues, like the Apple store and Barnes and Noble. Humans (non-humans too) who have chosen to not use the Kindle store can now read about the squirrelpocalypse…Finally! I know everyone who reads this blog was worried about that. Very worried.

Also, I don’t want to jinx myself, so I will be as vague as possible… This may also be available so you can hold it in your hands someday, it is closer to being available than it was two weeks ago, anyway. Whee!

Here are links to the various purchase pages (they will also perpetually be available via my About page):

Amazon

Apple Store

And, okay, full disclosure, I did rate it at five stars on itunes too. I got excited that it was on there. Plus I do think it’s good and fun to read, it’s been nearly four years since I wrote it and I technically started the idea in 1998 so I feel like it’s fine to five-star my entrance to the gateway to miscellaneous purchasing known as itunes.

Barnes and Noble

On Good Reads, the B&N link refuses to take anyone to my book. But it’s there, my link is direct. Plus, if you’re into work, title searching will prove Good Reads wrong.

Diesel ebooks

Kobo

Smashwords

Sony ebooks

I couldn’t see the cover yet on the Sony ebook store, but it should be forthcoming. It took B&N forever to put that two color work of majesticness up too.

So ends the shameless self-promotion. Or wait, no it doesn’t. The sequel will be going up (just on Amazon at first) towards the end of this month. It’s called Day of the Robots and it’s like Gremlins II meets Cabin Fever. The first one is like Cabin in the Woods meets Ginger Snaps, if only movie-related comparisons are available. They’re short and effective.

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Jingle Bells…Jingle Yay…Jingle Good for You

A second jump into the murky seas of search terms. I mean into the fresh smelling forest of Douglas firs of search terms. I am trying to sound more winterish. There’s no snow, yet, in my area, but the bitter bleakness remains. I should change my voicemail to that “Hello, you’ve reached the winter of my discontent” thing from Reality Bites. Or I could listen to less doom metal while it’s totally cold and bleak outside. But it seems like the best time to listen to doom metal! And I just found out the singer dude from Finntroll (not doom metal at all) is cute and that made me nearly happy. Damn, I am rambling. I guess in this vein of trailing off I could mention that the purchase I’m happiest about lately is the game Cards Against Humanity. It’s free to download if you don’t feel like buying it. Damnit, Jerry!

7. Why are so many people looking for this? : son of rosemary incestuous

What kind of a world do we live in? Why can’t people just search for random incest? I mean, it’s on Game of Thrones, not just in these old tomes from the 1990s. Son of Rosemary…is the worst

Are Jon Snow and Daenarys Targaryen related? I hope not.

I originally wanted that review to be only two words: Shit Sandwich. And I loved The Stepford Wives and Rosemary’s Baby so I felt really guilty about how much I hated Son of Rosemary. It just sucked so hard. And it’s hard to see good writers write shit sandwiches. That’s why Pammy is hiding.

8. Amusing terms: guinea pigs named Lois

I wonder how many guinea pigs named Lois there are? I don’t have any, the only Lois here is Lois Duncan: Twisted Window , Lost in Time

Who watches Ozymandias? Will anyone keep from his detonating his Doomsday device? I watch him,  but I wouldn't.

Maybe in his previous home, Ozymandias was named Lois. Probably not.

9. Things I hope don’t exist: ebook on taxidermy of guinea pigs

I’ve never thought about having my pigs freeze dried or stuffed. Mostly because the idea of having their glares become lifeless and frozen in time is a little too much. Also, taxidermy has not progressed to the point where the adorable snout and ears of the guinea pig can be preserved exactly as they are, forever. I don’t think an ebook is going to help that.

Why specifically an ebook? It’s hard enough to find physical books on guinea pigs and you’d think a squirrel mold would probably work.

Twiglet – Not meant for stuffing.

10. Not on my watch, son: guinea pig rat cross

I have heard terrifying tales of escaped hamsters mating with mice and producing offspring. I have never heard about that happening with guinea pigs and rats and I never want to hear about that happening. It just makes me think of the Fly. And the Fly II.

Thaddeus and Pammy, so fresh and so clean clean

Thaddeus tells Pammy it will never happen. Just like he hopes his next bath will never happen.

11. Self-indulgent edition: captain sparkles

Next year, I will be putting up the sequel to Night of the Squirrels: Dawn of the Interns on Amazon. The sequel is called Day of the Robots. The character that I have nicknamed Captain Sparkles appears in both books and will also be included in the conclusion to the Night of the Squirrels trilogy: Night of the Squirrels. It is always darkest before the dawn. Anyway, I reviewed Nightlight , the Twilight parody book by the Harvard Lampoon people and utilized that nickname (which is also in my book in the spirit of Twilight parody, but there are no vampires in Night of the Squirrels, despite what that visiting Canadian writer decided in workshop, not bitter, there are also no particularly forlorn romances, just funny bad things happening, good grief this is a long aside) in the title of that review.

The main characters are people! They’re people! (to be said like you’re talking about Soylent Green)

Pickles is on the cover because she’s a clue that the content is kind of unexpected in a variety of ways. And she’s so cute.

Night of the Squirrels: Dawn of the Interns – a slightly more thorough explanation

Night of the Squirrels: Dawn of the Interns – purchasable

12.  High concept spelling issues: ginny pigs ghost hunter

So I started a series of paintings and silkscreens about this very issue… I also had Ginny dolls as a child. It’s like this person is psychic. Anyway, the first time I included the concept was in a painting for Mr. Cheese that is somewhat visible in some of my photos – Thaddeus and Pammy take over for the Ghostfacers from Supernatural investigating the Murder House from American Horror Story. Danger Crumples is their intern, kicking the pink flamingo from the Electric Six song. It’s basically the only area you can see behind Ozymandias besides Belvedere being Ryan Gosling from Drive and the bottom of Pickles dressed up as Constance from AHS standing on the end of the Chevy from Drive Angry.

Discussing my artwork in this capacity reminds me of the Maria Bamford bit about taking art classes from Wizard. “The last time I saw that look… Ojai, ’74.”

Are there ghosts behind this pumpkin? This chair is known to be haunted .

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