51. Chasing the Moon – A. Lee Martinez
I need to move somewhere that is already inhabited by ancient monstrous entities like the apartment building in this book. The kind of ancient monstrous entities that won’t bother my guinea pigs, which may not exist, however, those are the ones I need right now. Several days ago I printed a shirt with the last two lines of dialogue in one of my books on it and those lines (“Doomed?” and “Doomed.” I did not print them with quotation marks though.) seem to have been my personal mantra for quite some time (I didn’t print the shirt for me, I don’t want to be super obvious). I will admit to being a fatalist and a person who has depression and a smattering of OCD-style tics – sometimes these things are helpful (Or “helpful.”). Lots of people have a combination of these qualities and won’t admit to having any of them, which puts me just a tidbit ahead in the game of honesty. I guess. I shall take my victories where I can even if I have to sort of make them up. I mean, I made the premium collection even if I can’t actually see the results on barnesandnoble.com three days later (this is driving me mad, along with the squirrel book cover that has a wolf’s eye on it – that’s not a rodent face).
Anyway, I have taken some steps to improve some of the conditions of my existence and so far, taking those steps has been like walking in quicksand – non-sustainable, irritating, and potentially ending in yet more doom. I was recently contemplating getting back into the “applying to university library jobs I am more than qualified for” game and I saw that, in order to get around paying for health insurance and benefits for humans that do complicated, detail oriented, time consuming, and often thankless work like supervising circulation, several of the listings asked that the candidate do all the work of your typical 40+ hours per week circulation supervisor, in twenty hours per week! Yes, twenty hours. That’s totally going to work out. I was tempted to apply just so that if I was chosen for an interview I could go in and ask them if they were insane or ask them to take that listing down until they could admit it isn’t humanly possible to do everything a circulation supervisor needs to do in twenty hours a week – especially without benefits as an incentive. Now, I am aware that many people need a job, any job, U.S. jibber-jabber about jobs and bootstraps is insane, but it’s just so disheartening and horrific to me that the already horrible job market is getting even worse; I did not realize how possible that was and I find no hope in it whatsoever. Of course, the job market has been getting relatively hopeless since I got my first MA almost ten years ago. So I need that monster-infested apartment building where the world’s about to end to come find me so I can watch the moon get devoured. At least that seems like something that has possibilities. Maybe the next Ice Age will get here first. I’m certainly crossing my fingers.