I have noted the unfinished buttonhole in the waistcoat

20. Run for Your Life – Ann Brahms

My copy of Run for Your Life is a first edition (1993) and it came with some loose provenance – a receipt from the Cedar Rapids Econofoods. It caused me to pine for a time when people might buy horror paperbacks at the grocery store, probably with gum and cigarettes. Maybe it was purchased by someone who worked there and was reading it on break instead of playing Dead Celebrities behind the orange juice like in Go. That’s my kind of nostalgia. Anyway, it was part of a cache of horror paperbacks with covers resembling the horror videos of your Blockbuster/Mr. Movies circa-1993 that I found at the Salvation Army. It was a kickass find. I miss those video store racks and I am still pursuing low quality horror movies that I glimpsed when I was too young to rent them. I just want to know what the hell was going on with that hair noose and that Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane (that cover was soo misleading). Also, I’d really like a copy of The Nightmare Never Ends with its lack of lead in tape, disco Satan, and general incomprehensibility.

That said, this book had its moments. It was a horror novel with a doberman and a cabin on the cover, so I thought the cabin would show up early on. It did not and I had to spend a lot of time inside the head of a total-creepazoid (one of two in the book) who cannot let blonde ladies with green eyes go (guess what I look like, you have five seconds) and who drinks Southern Comfort while driving! Granted, we’re not supposed to sympathize with either of the creepazoids, but still- more stalking chokey men were not necessarily what I needed to read about or expected and if it didn’t read so damn quickly I might have given up. It would have been sad to give up on the first book of my cache since I am very excited about them. One is even listed as Paranormal/Occult on the side and that genre is totally not one that was available to me to use anymore thank you eighties Satanic Panic for opening the possibilities no matter how briefly. Anyway, there is one other particularly interesting character in the book who has a tweest (must be said in Tailor of Gloucester mouse voice)! An antiques dealer with several cats. He’s after Majolica. I would not be after Majolica. Too flashy. I prefer Halloween plates from Target for my dining needs and Get Along Gang mugs for my collectible pottery. I collect many things, but I did not really follow my family’s passion for collecting pottery or beautiful dishware.

No more tweest! I loved that video. And I totally have that Beswick figure...and the book, I read the book. I read.

I did not see that coming. – Belvedere, collector of souls

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