Such an interesting monster should have an interesting hairdo.

20. The Monster of Florence – Douglas Preston & Mario Spezi

If you go to Florence, try not to get accused of murder. They have this guy who likes to throw blame in a sensational manner and he will tap your phone and stick listening devices in your car and accuse you of joining ancient, secret cults, and listen to this lady who runs a conspiracy website over you. And don’t purchase a doorstop. Because Mr. “Satanic Roundtable Cult of Doorstop Owners” will totally try to persecute you…he did it to Douglas Preston, Mario Spezi, and Amanda Knox over two different murder cases. I think he may have seen Suspiria one too many times. And internalized The Exorcist. What’s that noise in the attic? Obviously it’s Satan. Someone was murdered? Obviously Satan, or someone playing ritualized sex games to worship Satan. I have cold. It must be Satan. That cult must have thrown some sort of mucous causing spell at me so that Satan would give me a summer cold. If one is in tune with reality it is possible to see how little Satan has to do with the murders tied to the long-running unsolved case of the Monster of Florence or the murder of Meredith Kercher. Until recently, I could not fathom how people who were so terrible at their jobs were allowed to keep them, now I see it happens all over the world.

On a side note, Thomas Harris (as in Silence of the Lambs Thomas Harris) was present during the trial of one of the accused Monsters of Florence, he was doing research for his novel Hannibal. The film version of Hannibal used the house of a count who spoke to Douglas Preston about the Monster of Florence case… And the film version of Silence of the Lambs uses the song “Goodbye Horses” by Q Lazarus and Marcus Garvey during a pivotal scene that everyone remembers for some very serious dancing. My guinea pigs tend toward not liking music of any kind. However, one night after I nearly won a quiz because I knew that “Goodbye Horses” was from Silence of the Lambs I played it in near-triumph and who should pop up out of his cage but – Danger Crumples! He twitched his little head much like the dramatic prairie dog and seemed to be very intrigued… I think we all see how clear the connections are. Danger Crumples is the true Monster of Florence. Guinea pigs. Serial murderers, the lot of ‘em. I should take away his little wooden bridge, it’s obviously a time traveling device…for Satan!

Il mostro? Moi?

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