At least they didn’t cry endlessly about the loss of their humanity. I’ve read that a few times.

1. The Reformed Vampire Support Group – Catherine Jinks

Weak vampires who sound spindly and craggy (a particular passage about tights “bagging about” a vampire’s knees springs to mind) instead of strong, marble-skinned, and lithe are a nice change of pace. It seems that every so often the old monsters can have some fresh life breathed into them. Sort of. The vampires in this book are very far away from freshness of any kind. For me, that’s what made this fun to read. I can understand being weakened and underestimated based on natural issues alone (I can’t breathe most of the time) and I appreciated Nina’s take on the matter and her coping mechanisms. I can’t, however, imagine being stuck with the same whinging people for thirty years of support group discussions. It does not sound fun or like a reason to keep going eternally despite giving people support being the major general function of support groups (most of them probably don’t see the same people who can never change for the duration of thirty years though…and by most of them I mean all of them).

I do have one major qualm with these vampires though. They eat guinea pigs. I know that real humans eat guinea pigs and I have no issues with that and I happen to know my fair share about Ecuador and Peru and guinea pigs as little cows- but these are vampires. I would like them to perpetuate the long-standing tradition that vampires eat rats when they’re staying away from humans. Let’s think through the diet plans, vampires and writers of vampires. Rats breed quickly and produce sizeable litters. Guinea pigs do not. Rats are of unknown origin. Guinea pigs are from South America. Rats are available in the wild around the world. Guinea pigs are only available in the wild in a few chunks of South America. Louis from Interview ate rats, Angel ate rats, rats are the choice of vampires. Not guinea pigs. Rats are like the champagne of rodents.

What’s happening to this pillow will happen to anyone who tries to eat Danger Crumples. Don’t cross the guinea pigs.

 

 

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